


Star Tears

by Queenie18



Series: SH Bingo 2020-2021 [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blind Alec Lightwood, Blind Character, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Mundane Magnus Bane/Mundane Alec Lightwood, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Magnus Bane, Pining, Pining Alec Lightwood, Sad Alec Lightwood, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love, Whump, implied anyhow, star tear disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27845778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenie18/pseuds/Queenie18
Summary: Star tears, a disease that offers no biological explanation as to how or why it began. It is reported that the victims cry tears that are as sharp as glass but as beautiful and bright as stars from the moment nightfall occurs to when it ends. The only thing the victims have in common is that they are the suffers of unrequited love.It is not fatal, but rather, the magical tears slowly drain away your vision until you are left colour blind, and then, completely blind.However, Alec never imagined that he would be infected.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt (implied)
Series: SH Bingo 2020-2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031352
Comments: 26
Kudos: 118





	Star Tears

**Author's Note:**

> Square Filled: Blind Character

_And she cries great tears of stars as they spill from her eyes._

_She holds them in her hands and whispers softly, “So this is the price of loving you.”_

_And her unrequited love kept her tears falling._

*

_**Shooting stars.** _

They’re a beautiful display. At night, when the sky is mundane, and the world slumbers in a mist of darkness, a rare phenomenon occurs. You see that star spill like runaway ink on paper across the sky, and your heart leaps to your throat and your breath catches. You may mumble a wish upon your lips as the words are carried through the air, reverend and pretty but ultimately useless.

Alec compares meeting Magnus to gazing at a shooting star.

He charged into Alec’s life in a spell of glitter and colour, the golden green glean of his eyes ethereal as he had grinned at Alec widely. Alec remembers numbly shaking his hand, eyes wide as he took in the image that was Magnus Bane. The gold of his hand against the pale of Alec. The royal blue of his fingernails. The brilliant red of his lips. The glint of silver upon his jacket. The rainbow of glitter brushed along his cheeks.

And Alec had thought that Magnus was a star. Not the sun, but a far away star that no one had named quite yet. Perhaps someday, someday when that star was finally named they would too gaze upon Magnus and realise that there was no other name more fitted.

Magnus Bane, the _star_.

Beautiful to gaze at, to wonder at how it must feel to be in such proximity to something so special. But unreachable. Unattainable.

And so, Alec stares at Magnus Bane as he laughs over a cocktail on a boring Friday night in his home and thinks if he touches him, he may be burnt and fall into the magnitude of his gravity and be lost forever.

*

Alec dumps the pizza box on the coffee table, groaning as he sinks into the couch.

Magnus laughs breezily next to him, his shoulders shaking with the force of it. Alec blushes at the glint of mischief in his friend’s eyes. 

“What is it?” Alec grumbles.

Magnus grins at him, wide and free, and Alec feels his heart patter against his chest, “you have glitter on your face, darling.”

“What?”

Magnus rolls his eyes playfully and leans closer. Alec secretly takes an inhale of his cologne, woodsy and yet sweet, trying to memorise that scent to his memory. He feels Magnus’ breath as a warmth puff against his cheek, and freezes where he sits. He can make out the faint orange of Magnus’ eyes, the darker rim of his iris. Magnus makes eye contact with him and something flickers in his gaze that Alec can’t make out.

They sit like that, face to face, breaths colliding until Magnus leans forward and runs a pad of his fingers along Alec’s cheek. He pulls away just as suddenly. And Alec will deny that his stomach dropped in disappointment as he loses that soft intimacy, his skin still tingling where Magnus had just rubbed.

“Glitter.” Magnus says and Alec blinks, looking down at the finger Magnus has raised and indeed, there is faint specs upon his skin. “Your cheek is covered in it.”

“ _Oh_.” Alec replies, feeling dazed.

Magnus sniggers, dusting off the finger on his sweatpants. He tuts like a scolding parent, though the wicked edge of his smirk shows another picture. Alec, embarrassed, laughs back at him, rubbing his neck.

“You okay?” Magnus asks sweetly.

Alec sends his friend a look and takes a slice of pizza from the box, “Shut up.”

Magnus raises his hands in surrender, “I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t need to.” Alec grumbles, snuggling into the sofa. Ignoring the heartbreaking beat of his heart as he stares at the man he loves who undoubtedly doesn’t feels the same, “It’s all over your face.”

Magnus’ eyes glimmer golden, “No. I actually think it’s all over _your_ face, Alexander.”

Alec tosses a pillow at his friend and laughs at the gobsmacked expression on Magnus’ face, a red imprint appearing upon his forehead. 

When Magnus’ gaze darkens in preparation for retaliation, Alec can almost imagine that its darkening for another reason.

*

That night, Alec wakes up in bed, sweaty and hot as something sharp presses against his eye.

With a cry, he sits upright in shock, furiously rubbing at the sensitive skin just below his left eye. Something pokes at his finger and Alec flinches as it pushes up toward the waterline. He trembles when he feels the sharp pain of something awfully sharp peel from inside his eye and innocently falls upon his waiting palm.

Alec gazes down at the small object.

 _It glows._ It glows and beams, not unlike a star. In the darkness of his bedroom, it’s impossible to ignore as its very aura alights with no light source upon his blank palm. Alec feels his throat close up as the little shard shifts colours from a pale blue to a violent red as his fingers move in absolute terror. It lays so small in his hand. So small. So _insignificant_. Just a tiny piece of something sharp that caught in his eyes. 

And yet, he stares at the tiny star and he feels his heart clammer to a stop. He knows this isn’t just a piece of glass. It isn’t a stupid little mistake from something that coincidentally fell into his eye.

Alec watches the first star tear snuggle into his palm, seeking comfort from the very person it now vows to destroy, and he cries actual tears long till morning.

Outside, the stars flicker in mourning.

*

Not much is known about _‘star tear disease’_ as it is commonly nicknamed across the world. 

It’s a rare occurrence. There’s no biological explanation as to how appears nor how it works. It’s a phenomenon that has had spontaneous flares throughout history, the very first written source of it reported to have infected a young women in her thirties in 1600s England.

It is written that she started crying tears that glowed like stars when the man she loved married another, her sister, on their wedding night. She cried every night, when the sky turned black, and her tears forced their way through her eyes without permission, without care, each one a greater agony. Everyday, it apparently had gotten worse. More pain. More stars. More, more, more. That is, until one day, two months after, she woke up colour blind, and a week later, completely blind.

The tears never stopped. Never faltered. She eventually died crying whilst being hung, her body dangling from a noose as tears litter around her dangling feet in a garden of stars.

Alec knows it isn’t fatal. No one has died from it. The only consequence of getting ‘star tear’ disease is that eventually the victims will lose their sight, and find themselves crying uncontrollably throughout every night from when the sun first sets to when it arises.

The carriers vary from age to sex to health to country, biology seemingly playing no part in who catches it. The only symptom that researchers have found is that those who find themselves under the clutch of the disease are victims of unrequited love.

There is no cure. None that has been found.

The only times it has been reported that people have finally stopped crying is the fleeting lucky few who have been confessed to, and had their love returned to them romantically. But if the victim has already been blinded, they find themselves unable to ever return their sight. Even if their love is really true.

Alec knows many hide it, not wanting the one their heart and eyes cry for to force themselves to love the victim just to spare them before it is too late. Others are just too ashamed of being one of the unlucky few to have caught it. As such, no one really knows the true statistic of how many have it.

And just like those many unreported cases, Alec’s tears remain in a trash can, forgotten in a dump somewhere.

*

Alec picks at his lunch, not feeling very hungry. 

It has been a week. The first night was only a single tear. Just one. The next had been around twenty. And now he is nearing five hundred in a single night.

“Alec?” He hears someone say.

Alec itches at the sore skin under his eye. He hasn’t bled yet, but he knows some do. Some have inflamed eyes, others have scars that slither down their skin like veins or the ivy that climbs up walls. He doesn’t want to think about the many nights he has slaved over old cases as the tears stumbled into a bucket upon his lap.

He’s fairly sure his case is accelerating at a rate far greater than most. And if Alec is being completely honest with himself, he knows it is because he has loved Magnus for so long, he thinks that he can’t remember a time where he didn’t love him.

It must be a pitiful existence, to measure his life by _before Magnus, and during Magnus._

“Alec?”

Alec looks up, eyes wide to see his friends all looking at him worriedly. Izzy, the one that called his name, is holding his hand, eyebrows drawn tight. None of the others are in a better state. Clary is biting her lip quite aggressively, and Jace is frowning heavily. Even Simon and Raphael looked unsure. Alec refuses to even see how Magnus is faring.

“Are you okay?” Izzy murmurs softly, rubbing her thumb over his hand.

Alec smiles tightly, “Yeah, sorry. What were you saying?”

Izzy purses her lips in thought, “You don’t seem okay, hermano.” Her gazes stays fixated on his face, “You look exhausted.”

“I, um, I,” Alec sighs, pulling his hand away, “I haven’t had much sleep lately.”

“Do you need to see a doctor?” She says.

“No, it’s fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” Jace adds, and Alec hunches inward, feeling oddly scrutinised.

“I’m fine, please, just, drop it. _Please_.” Alec says tiredly and he waves a hand lazily in the air.

Izzy looks like she may continue it but another hand reaches out to grab her wrist gently. Alec stares at the golden skin with nails painted a sultry red and swallows audibly.

“I’m sure he’s fine, Isabelle.” 

Alec sends Magnus a grateful look when Izzy reluctantly agrees and the group continues their old conversation, albeit less enthusiastically. Magnus nods and smiles back at him but Alec notices it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, the skin not crinkling by his lips like it usually does.

Alec ignores it and goes back to picking at his food, also ignoring, as usual, how his heart wails.

*

That night the tears reach a new crescendo, the pain raking down his skin and his eyes burn like he’s put a naked flame to them. Alec touches his eyes, drawing his fingers away wet for the first time, noticing how some of the stars seem dulled. 

The next morning, he notices in his mirror that something dark has been smudged over his eyes, looking like Izzy’s eyeliner if she doesn’t remove it before a shower. He frowns at his face, rubbing at the grey marks with his towel, feeling how sore and sticky, and unusually pale his skin is. The towel refuses to wash out the grey substance afterwards and Alec tosses it in the laundry basket to sort out later.

It isn’t until he steps outside of his apartment and sees the usually vibrant, cheery red of the bookstore door opposite his apartment that it hits him.

He can’t see the red door. He can’t see it. He can’t see it. 

_He can’t see it._

Alec stares in despair at the newly grey door, and doesn’t realise that his fingers are shaking as they instinctively rise to touch the corner of his eyes ever so slightly.

The grey mocks him from the distance.

*

The colours fade quicker after that.

_An afternoon spent taking Magnus around the shops, carrying his bags and spending an abundance of money on him just so Alec can see the love of his life smile that special smile that seems reserved just for Alec?_

The next day he can’t see blue.

_An evening dancing, alcohol boiling their veins, their hips pressed lustfully together and Alec thinks he’s going to get his kiss at long last, feels his lips pursing for it, begging for it until he opens his eyes and finds Magnus isn’t there, and it has always another man pressed eagerly upon him?_

Green fades.

_Seeing Magnus do something as mundane as laughing, and wonders obsessively how that laugh would feel upon his lips as they lay side by side?_

He can’t figure out what purple had been like, if it had been as similar to blue as he used to think.

He desperately tries to cling to the colours, sometimes holding his eyes open at night with his fingers to prevent himself from sleeping. He rocks and heaves upon his bed, crying to some deity to make it stop. Alec is so so tired of it all. But he can’t give up yet. _He can’t._ He only has a single colour left. Just _one_.

His eyes constantly hurt now. There’s an ache right in the underline as if the star tears are pressing against the surface of his skin in anticipation for the night. And sometimes Alec wakes up to a bloody face and little cuts over his body as he lies on a glittering mattress of a multitude of colours that may as well be knives.

Three weeks later, Alec is taking a walk with Izzy, blinking rapidly to ease off the sleep that creeps up upon him in the day when the star tears aren’t claiming him at night.

They’re next to a bench when Alec feels his sister reach out and grab his arm harshly, pulling him to a stop. Alec winces. Her nails dig into some of the scabs of wounds from the previous night. When he looks up to say something, he pauses at the utter grief upon her face.

“Tell me what’s wrong Alec.” She says stubbornly. 

Alec pinches his lips, “I’m fine, Izzy.”

She sucks in a violent breath and steps warningly closer.

“ _No, no no_ more of this.” Izzy replies and in a heated flash she stands directly before him, her eyes wild with anger, “This has gone on long enough. Don’t you get it? We all see it, all of us. You looked like you’re on _death’s_ door.” She stutters and holds a wary hand to her neck, “ _you look like you’re dying._ And I don’t what is going on because you won’t tell anyone.”

And at that, Alec breaks.

He trembles as he falls to the floor, feeling the grit of the pavement upon his palms. Alec chocks on his breath, feeling tears break free in a damned waterfall and he can’t make them fucking stop. He’s always crying. The bloody tears follow him like some malicious nightmare, stealing his vision and he can’t do anything about it because he’s stupid enough to fall for someone who is so evidently above his league. Alec knows he’s doomed now. 

_Why him? Why? Why? Why?_

_Did he truly deserve this? Was he truly this unloveable?_

No one can answer him, because there is no one there to help him.

He’s alone with the tears and a slowly dying heart.

“Alec?” Izzy cries, kneeling beside him, “ _Oh god, Alec?_ What’s wrong?”

He mumbles her name like a prayer, “Izzy,” and falls into her arms, letting the familiar warmth engulf him as he breaks apart so throughly he know he’ll never repair himself.

“Please tell me, hermano. I, I can’t bear to see you like this anymore. _Please, please._ ” 

Alec grips the fur of her coat and asks in a dull voice, “What is the colour red to you?”

“What?”

Alec quivers, “What does it look like? I, I can’t remember, Izzy. I know it exists. I know it’s the colour of the traffic light when it signals stop, and I know it’s the colour of your favourite lipstick. But I don’t know what it is.” He coughs and sobs louder, his shoulders shaking and her arms hold him tighter, “ _I can’t see it. I can’t see any of them. They’re, they’re leaving -_ ”

“What do you mean?” Izzy says, her voice weak.

Alec inhaled the overly sweet vanilla of her perfume and smiles at the feminine scent. “I’m losing my sight, Izzy.”

There’s a weighted pause and then Izzy says adamantly with the strength only Lightwood women possess, “ _No_.”

Alec laughs and it’s a cold thing, “You can’t stop it.”

“You don’t have star tears, Alec.”

“I do.”

“No,” she whispers again, and it sounds lost.

Alec eases up so he can peer up at his sister, his eyes wet but pain free. It’s a respite, and he knows Izzy can see it all on his face. Can see the bruised black of his bags, the irritated skin that flakes around his eyes. She takes it all in right in front of him and Alec sees the moment it hits her.

Her face crumbles and she frantically grips him in closer, as if trying to hide him from the truth. Alec moves his hand so it lays on her arm, his brotherly instinct just wanting her to be happy again. But if him and Izzy share anything in common, it’s overt nature to protect the ones they love.

“How long?” She says.

Alec considers lying but thinks better if it, “Three weeks and one day.”

“ _Bloody hell,_ Alec.” She replies in despair, “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

Alec shrugs, “I didn’t want to put that pressure on anyone.”

She sucks in a breath. “Who is it?”

Alec shakes his head, feeling his skin prickle in fear, “I can’t say that, Izzy.”

“It’s just me, hermano, you can tell me.”

“No.” Alec says. “ _No, I can’t._ ”

“Why?” Izzy asks and her fingers drift down his back, making indecipherable patterns upon his jumper. Alec sighs and lets her comfort him for once. Just this once.

“Because I love him too much.” 

“You’re protecting him.” Izzy says in realisation, and it’s overly fond despite the situation.

Alec nods against her chest and his tears slowly dry upon his cheek, “I have to.”

“ _Oh, Alec_.” She whispers in response and rocks him right there, on the floor in the park.

Alec lets her soothe both of them, and thinks of Magnus’ gold eyes.

_Gold._

His last colour.

*

And Alec thinks it’s all okay until Magnus meets Camille Belcourt a week later, and Alec sees the love struck expression upon his friend’s face that has only appear once before. All of a sudden Magnus Bane becomes fixated and doesn’t realise that Alec is breaking, right by his side.

Hours later, Alec finds a photo of him and Magnus, them laughing on a beach, covered with sand on his phone. Alec sits there, in the comfort of shadows and umbra, surrounded by his little stars, and watches with a pained acceptance as the gold of Magnus’ eyes, the last colour he could see, fades minute by minute.

And when he tries to picture it in his head, he comes up short.

He just knows they were once gold.

A tear slips free and it doesn’t even hurt anymore.

  
*

The next night, Alec stands in the pouring rain with his face tilted to the sky as he lets the coolness brush over his irritated skin. He and Magnus were supposed to meet up for dinner but Alec remembers the awed look on his friend’s face, the gleam in his gold eyes as he flirted with Camille. And it makes him a right coward, but he finds he doesn’t have the strength to hear the man he loves laminate over another when he’s just lost his last colour.

He’s back at the park again. It’s nothing special. It’s crowded by disarrayed apartment buildings and trees that are severely overgrown. A single bench sits in the very centre. And he knows the only regular visitor apart from him is an old lady and her violently aggressive dog.

But on a Saturday night like this, with the heavy clouds and the autumnal chill of the British oncoming winter, it’s completely abandoned.

It’s exactly how Alec enjoys it the most.

He smiles into the onslaught of the rain, feeling the droplets caress his cheeks, his hair, his arms and chest. If he tilts his head far up enough, it’s dark enough that he can’t tell he’s colour blind. It’s just endless darkness. He can stand here, and he can pretend he’s normal.

The peace is broken by the sounds of hurried steps behind him.

Alec lowers his head, wiping the rain from his eyes as he turns to face the intruder. Irritation bubbles below his skin. Can’t he have one night? An hour to try and be someone else? To hide from the fact that the very world is punishing him for loving someone?

His breath catches when he sees Magnus, however.

“Where were you?” Magnus asks, and he sounds furious.

Alec winces but doesn’t hide from the truth, the drip drip of the rain numbing him to everything.

“ _Magnus_.” He says awkwardly.

Magnus scowls and crosses his arms against his chest, a scarf wrapped around his neck, “I asked you a question, Alexander.”

But all Alec says is, “I’m sorry.”

Magnus blinks, “You’re... _what?_ ”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Magnus adds, throwing a passioned hand in the air. Alec’s eyes follow it, mesmerised, “Sorry for standing me up, sorry for acting so strange or are you sorry that you’re lying to us all like we’re stupid enough not to see that something’s wrong?”

Alec gapes and shakes his head, “All of it, I suppose.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“I know.” Alec acknowledges, “But it’s true.”

Magnus sighs and rubs his trimmed eyebrow like he does when he’s torn over something. It makes Alec’s lips flicker. He can barely see it, with the beam from one street light to their right, and the greyscale of his vision mutes everything.

He doesn’t want to even begin to think about how he can look at Magnus’ eyes and not recall how vibrant they are in their true colour.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on, Alexander.” Magnus says at last, dropping his hand.

Alec frowns and shrugs his shoulders, “ _I, I..._ ” He pauses, eyes darting to the tree behind Magnus, “I don’t know.”

“Why?”

“Why?” Alec repeats, albeit dumbly.

Magnus rolls his eyes, “Why won’t you tell me?”

Alec flounders, opening and closing his mouth like a fucking fish before saying lamely, “I can’t.”

“You can’t?” Magnus says incredulously, his expression darkening.

Alec peers at him sadly. He considers telling Magnus the truth. He considers confessing every ache in his fledging heart, laying himself the most bare that he has ever been in his life. He considers opening his heart and dropping it into Magnus’ waiting arms and trusting he’ll keep it safe.

He considers it all, and feels his body sway with how much he desires to just say it. Let it out once again in the presence of the man who could heal him from the oncoming darkness. And then finally submit to the eager exhaustion in his bones.

Magnus must see his conflict because he presses closer, the rain running reverent like loyal subjects upon his face. He lifts his head and smiles so sweetly at Alec. 

“You can tell me, darling.” He whispers so the words won’t hurt so bad, “You can trust me.”

Alec trembles. He bits his lips to withhold himself as his fingers twitch with the urge to touch the silk of Magnus’ cheek, or even his lips. Magnus nods at him, encouraging him. He steps even closer, so that they’re almost chest to chest. 

The air puffs around them visible as though death’s touch has come to taint it. Alec goes blurry eyed as he tries to picture Magnus as he is right now, only dressed in colour, as he should be.

He feels a traitorous tear slither free, and he has to choke back a sob as Magnus reaches forward and wipes it away. Seemingly paying no mind to the fact that Alec is drenched in rain. His skin shivers.

Alec dares a hand up when Magnus drops his. He shakes like a new born fawn as he lets his palm rest over his love’s cheek. The callouses of his skin stands at a stark contrast to the silk of Magnus’ own. And yet, Alec thinks that they fit. Like two puzzle pieces finally being reunited.

Magnus shivers under his palm, so warm, so alive. Alec shifts his thumb so that it rubs just under Magnus’ eye. He feels the fluttering kiss of his eyelashes play over his skin. The rain pours harder.

“What’s wrong, Alexander?” Magnus says frantically, eyes darting over Alec’s face. Alec swears he leans into the touch.

Alec feels another tear break free, a relieving proper, painless tear and he smiles mockingly at what his life has become. But he takes comfort in the warmth of Magnus’ cheek, and it’s short memory.

And with that, he decides to tell the truth at long last.

_“I can’t see them.”_

Magnus lets out a shaky breath, “What do you mean?”

“I can’t see the colour of your eyes.” Alec admits, and he drops his hand, thinking he imagines how Magnus slumps slightly as though disappointed, “I can’t remember what colour they are, nor the perfect shade they shine when you smile, or how the gold shines ever more brilliant when you’re happy.” He almost sobs, “I can’t picture it, any it it, _all of it_ , anymore.”

Magnus stumbles back, wide eyed and Alec registers the new colour as grey at long last.

Just that endless, endless grey.

Alec hugs himself, revelling in the softness of his tears as they caressed his cheek, light and sweet, intertwining with the chill of the rain. He laughs at the irony at it all. He has to. He’ll break if he doesn’t.

And when he looks up again, Magnus seems paler, a shade lighter than his usual grey. Not quite a white, but close enough. Alec ignores at how he already has a shade of grey that he associates with Magnus. He shouldn’t be a grey, not to anyone.

“Alexander?” Magnus stutters, and his eyes look heartbreakingly sad. Alec wishes he could see them in their full glory, “What are you suggesting? I, what aren’t you telling me? _Alexander?_ ” He repeats again when Alec just stands there, despairingly.

Alec watches it all play across his love’s face. He sees the confusion, the pain, the sadness, the hurt and he watches paint out like a charcoal drawing. Like some stupid, unemotional sketch that fails to convey the true thing. Something a bloody artist throws out in an old art book, not considered worthy enough for their final pieces.

Magnus should be a final piece of art. He should be. He is.

But Alec can’t see that anymore. Someone once had told him red was the colour of heartbreak, just as it is the colour of love. Alec thinks it’s grey. Swabs and swabs and fucking swabs of grey.

Grey.

_Grey._

_Just. Grey._

His heart shatters completely and he find he can’t hide from the truth anymore.

_“I love you.”_

Magnus gasps and he’s trembling, whispering Alexander multiple times under his breath as he tries to move forward.

Alec hunches inward, trying to hide from the agony and raises a hand to stop Magnus, “I think I may have loved you from the moment I met you.” He smiles at the memory, “You were so beautiful, you still are, and I remember thinking, _oh, he might finally be the one._ ”

Magnus tries to reach out, “Alexander... _please, darling, I -_ ”

“And I tried to ignore it, I tried to push it aside but it’s only gotten worse.” Alec continues, looking away in shame, “And I know you don’t see me that way, and it’s okay, it is, but _I, it’s..._ ”

He rubs away the rain in his eyes again and gestures limply, having to blink away a sudden wave of exhaustion, “It’s all fading away, like the world is telling me I deserve to be punished for loving you.”

“No, no,” Magnus pleads, pushing into Alec’s space, trying to give him some of the warmth he radiates so naturally, “Please listen to me, Alec, _please,_ I need to sa-”

Alec pushes his finger against Magnus’ lip, silencing him, “You don’t have to say anything.”

Magnus shakes his head furiously, “ _I do_ , please, let me talk.” He speaks against Alec’s finger.

Alec smiles. And he lowers his finger, a single droplet of rain slithering down his bare back. He needs to step away, needs to leave before he melts away. He sways in rhythm to the gentle breeze. He’s so tired. He’s so done. He wants to lay down and rest, let the stars take his sight once and for all.

He’s so close to the end.

“It’s already too late, Magnus.” Alec says gently, his hand clasping Magnus’, his bigger palms enclosing his love’s in a semblance of reassurance, “I just needed to tell you I love you, _so, so much._ I needed you to hear it, just once.”

And it’s true.

His heart is lighter at last. And Alec chuckles as the rain runs on, unaware around them. The street light flickers, and his head sprints away, free from its cage. He thinks Magnus is talking, perhaps begging as the static noise grows louder. He hasn’t slept in days. He can’t remember the last time he slept unburdened.

He sways again, dancing to the music of nature, and wonders whether tonight will be the first night he’ll find sweet relief again.

His body collapses to the ground, exhaustion loosening his limbs. Alec’s last sight before the star tears come again is the beautiful face of Magnus, his love, aglow with dim light as he leans over him. Rain clings to him, and Alec thinks before oblivion takes him captive, that he too would like to cling on forever.

*

And when Alec awakes the next morning, he only sees the night sky. There’s no more shooting star bleeding across the shadows, and there is certainly none of its small wanes of hope.

Alec, in fact, sees nothing at all and thinks that living in the shooting star’s orbit once was worth it, even as he burnt alive.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I am in no way, shape or form, implying that being blind is a bad thing. It is 100% not. However, Alec’s story is influenced by his heartbreak and insecurity and it is told through his POV which isn’t positive. Please let me know if I have offended anyone!
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this! The original ending was happier, but I liked the 360 ending of this version more!
> 
> Comments and critsisms are always welcome!
> 
> My tumblr: [MagixQueenie](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/magixqueenie)


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